Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) was a popular British poet from the Victorian era. Her classic, "Sonnets from the Portuguese" (#43), is where we read, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

 

Taking in the full context of her work, Mrs. Browning's poetry was describing something vastly different from what we're going to cover here. Her flowing poetry waxes of a breathless, unconditional love. Our topic is one of which that is rarely spoken: Loving the Unlovely.

 

The Unlovely come to us in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors, both known and unknown: family, friends, strangers, co-workers, bosses, the lady at the supermarket, the guy at the TV repair shop, the teenager in traffic, the scowling prude who sits two rows over from us in church every Sunday and scares away newcomers, etc.

 

Sometimes, we're caught off guard when someone is uncharacteristically Unlovely and they surprise us with their unexpected surliness. Others are consistently Unlovely and their irascible nature is of no shock to us. Either way, we are placed in the Arena of Life to contend with it.

 

Here's the challenge. How do we, as the self-professed followers of Jesus Christ (1), handle these unpleasant and/or borderline toxic situations? Do we try our humanly best to emulate the Author of Love Himself OR do we dish out what we're being served? There are no B-'s or D+'s on this exam, which may be administered daily, weekly or even hourly without any advance notice (pop quiz time in the supermarket frozen foods aisle!). It's a pass or fail and Jesus is the Master Teacher, grading our responses based upon His Curriculum (2).

 

While Jesus sits on Heaven's Mercy Seat watching us and helping us, if we pray (3) for Him to guide us and tame our tongues (4), others present with us may not be so gracious. If they know us as a Christian, they'll be gauging our response to the Unlovelies. Figuratively, they'll be holding up judge's cards on our completed performance, measuring it against our claim of being a child of God.

 

It's not about being or becoming perfect, which is humanly unattainable. The call for us to "be perfect" as mentioned in Matthew 5:48 is not about persuing infallibility. It's about striving toward Spiritual wholeness and Christian maturity.

 

Here, we offer what the Good News of Eternal Salvation (5) - the Compass for Christians- has to say about how to interact with the Unlovely. Note how none of the Scriptures differentiate between how to handle a family member or friend who is being Oscar the Grouch from a stranger or known adversary who is doing the same. Why? Because it doesn't matter who is persecuting (6) us. What matters is OUR RESPONSE, and we all get to pick how that's gonna go down.

 

In Matthew 5:46-47, Jesus tells us we get no credit or pats on the Spiritual back for loving those who love us back. That's a given. Where we store those eternally invaluable treasures in Heaven is when we love those who don't love us back or, even worse, those who persecute us.

 

The Good News forewarns us, rather empathetically, that walking through a minefield of Unlovelies is not an easy task. One glaring Scriptural example is the account of Jesus hanging on His Cross. The Unlovelies gave Him the worst beating of all time, and that was BEFORE they crucified (7) Him. Oh, and while Jesus was hanging up there for about six hours (Mark 15:25, 34), He was repeatedly ridiculed, scorned and mocked by many in attendance that day at Calvary.

 

To recap, it wasn't bad enough that the Unlovelies arrested and tried (8) an innocent Man, savagely beat Him and then followed it up by hanging Him from a cross to die. No, that wasn't enough to satisfy the Unlovelies. So, on top of all the aforementioned, they verbally humiliated Him the entire time.

 

What response did Jesus give? He loved the Unlovely. All of them. Unconditionally. This is just one example that gives us a sneak preview of Christ's Upside Down Kingdom. It's not how our world operates. But it's how Jesus acts, reacts and expects all of us who lay claim to be His followers (that's us) to do the same (Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23).

 

Are there exceptions to Loving the Unlovely? Yes. Are there occasions when it's just an impossibility? Absolutely. Scripture shares with us accounts of where Jesus, His Disciples (9), the Apostles (10) and others left an area (or fled for their lives) after attempting to spread the Good News in their midst. Sometimes, kicking the dust from our sandals and moving on (Matthew 10:14-15; Mark 6:11; Luke 9:5, 10:10-12) is the only fruitful option.

 

The crucial part, no matter which path we take, is that we remain true to Christ in our responses to the Unlovelies. Love. Mercy. Grace. Forgiveness (11).

 

An ever-so-critical cog in the Loving the Unlovely mechanism is to, well, know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Becoming familiar with the Holy Scriptures is the unfailing benchmark by which to discern what path to take. In the end, Mrs. Browning's poetry about loving thee still rings true. But we'll let the Holy Scriptures count the ways.

 

Related links are listed in the lower sidebar. Exploring their content (all contain free printer friendly documents) may offer Spiritual guidance and discernment  about Loving the Unlovely. Listed below in canonical order are bible verses related to Loving the Unlovely. Clicking any link leads to the respective verse at Bible Gateway.

 

As with any other page posted here at Downriver Disciples, this is not intended to be an all inclusive, soup-to-nuts creation on the topic at hand. Rather, it is a Spiritual offering designed to help encourage souls with Scriptural resources. Please explore related topics such as Carry Your Cross (12), Encouragement (13), Forgiveness (see above), Holiness (14), Jesus Christ (15), Obedience (16), Prayer (17), Salt and Light (18), Spiritual Warfare (19), Trials & Tribulations (20), and Who I Am In Christ (21). Consider freely sharing this in Bible Studies (22), Next Steps Church Groups (23), for Personal Faith Enrichment and with anyone you know of who may benefit from it.

For a printer friendly version, click on the PDF offered in the lower sidebar.

 

Modifications are welcome at goodnews@downriverdisciples.com.

 

FOOTNOTES:

  (1) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/jesus-christ

  (2) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/the-good-news

  (3) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/prayer

  (4) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/taming-the-tongue

  (5) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/the-good-news

  (6) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/trials-tribulations

  (7) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/obituary-of-jesus

  (8) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/six-trials-of-jesus

  (9) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/twelve-disciples

(10) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/jesus-the-apostles

(11) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/forgiveness

(12) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/carry-your-cross

(13) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/encouragement

(14) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/holiness

(15) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/jesus-christ

(16) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/obedience

(17) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/prayer

(18) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/salt-and-light

(19) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/spiritual-warfare

(20) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/trials-tribulations

(21) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/who-i-am-in-christ
(22) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/beatitudes
(23) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/bible-studies
(24) http://www.downriverdisciples.com/next-steps

OLD TESTAMENT BIBLE VERSES

 

Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD, your God, is giving you. . ."

 

Leviticus 19:18 “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. . .'"

 

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD, your God, goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 

1 Chronicles 16:11 Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always.

 

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

 

Proverbs 9:7-9 Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

 

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.

 

Proverbs 12:16 Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

 

Proverbs 15:1-7 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence. The house of the righteous contains great treasure, but the income of the wicked brings ruin. The lips of the wise spread knowledge, but the hearts of fools are not upright.

 

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

 

Proverbs 17:27-28 The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.

 

Proverbs 28:13 Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

 

Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

 

NEW TESTAMENT BIBLE VERSES

Matthew 5:38-42 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a] But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. . ."

 

Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in Heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. . ."

 

Matthew 7:1-6 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. . ."

 

Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

 

Matthew 7:15-20 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them . . ."

 

Matthew 9:12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.

 

Matthew 10:16 “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."

 

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."

 

Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

 

Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]

 

Mark 11:25 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you your sins.”

 

Mark 12:30-31 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”

 

Luke 6:27-31 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

 

Luke 6:32-36 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

 

Luke 10:10-12 But whenever you enter a town and they do not receive you, go into its streets and say, ‘Even the dust of your town that clings to our feet we wipe off against you. Nevertheless know this, that the kingdom of God has come near.’ I tell you, it will be more bearable on that day for Sodom than for that town.

 

Luke 12:58 As you are going with your adversary to the magistrate, try hard to be reconciled on the way, or your adversary may drag you off to the judge, and the judge turn you over to the officer, and the officer throw you into prison.

 

John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

 

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

 

John 15:12-13 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

 

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

 

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to His purpose.

 

Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

 

Romans 12:9-13 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

 

Romans 12:14-16 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.

 

Romans 12:17-20 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[b]

 

Romans 13:8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

 

1 Corinthians 13:1, 4-7, 13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

 

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love.

 

Galatians 6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

 

Ephesians 4:2-3 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

 

Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ.

 

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers,[a] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the LORD.

 

Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 

Philippians 2:14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing . . .

 

Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

 

Colossians 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

 

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the LORD, not for human masters . . .

 

1 Thessalonians 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

 

2 Timothy 2:23-26 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the LORD’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

 

Hebrews 12:14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the LORD.

 

James 3:17-18 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

 

1 Peter 1:22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.[a]

 

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

 

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

 

1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

 

1 John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

 

1 John 4:7-8 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

 

1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us.